Writing a Letter to Your Loved Ones: Where to Begin

There is something a typed document cannot hold: the sound of your voice. The turn of a phrase you always use. The stories only you know. A personal letter to the people you love carries all of that — and it will mean more to them than almost anything else you leave behind.

Many people think, I'm not a writer. I wouldn't know where to start. But you don't need to be a writer. You just need to be yourself. A legacy letter isn't an essay or a formal document. It is simply you, on paper, talking to the people who matter most.

What Is a Legacy Letter?

A legacy letter — sometimes called an ethical will — is a personal letter you write to your loved ones. Unlike a legal will, which distributes your belongings, a legacy letter shares the things that cannot be divided: your values, your memories, your gratitude, your hopes for those you love.

It might be a single page. It might be ten. There is no right length. What matters is that it is honest, warm, and written from your heart.

Who Should I Write To?

You can write one letter to everyone. You can write separate letters to each person. Some people write a single letter addressed to their family as a whole; others write something private and specific to each child, each grandchild, each dear friend.

Start with whoever you feel most drawn to write to first. You can always add more letters later. Even one letter, to one person, is a profound gift.

Prompts to Get You Started

If you're staring at a blank page, try answering one of these questions. You don't have to answer all of them — even one or two will carry you far:

• What are the moments in life I am most grateful for?
• What values have guided me, and what do I hope you carry forward?
• What do I want you to know about our family — its history, its stories, its traditions?
• What is something I always meant to say to you but never quite found the words?
• What are my hopes and wishes for your life?
• What has brought me the most joy?
• What have I learned that I most want to pass on?
• How do I want to be remembered?

You don't have to answer in order. You don't have to be polished. Write the way you talk. If you start a sentence and it doesn't sound quite right, keep going anyway — you can always go back.

A Few Gentle Suggestions

Write by hand if it feels natural to you. A handwritten letter has a warmth and intimacy that a printed page cannot replicate. Your loved ones will recognize your handwriting for the rest of their lives.

Don't wait until it feels perfect. Many people put off writing a legacy letter because they want it to be just right. But a letter that is simply true is far better than a perfect letter that never gets written. Start somewhere — anywhere — and let it unfold.

It's okay to express your feelings. If you've had a hard time saying "I love you" out loud, this is your chance. People often find that writing makes the words easier. Your family will treasure hearing it from you in your own words.

Seal it if you'd like. Some people write their letter, seal it in an envelope, and leave instructions for it to be opened after they're gone. Others share it while they are still living. Both are beautiful choices.

You Have Already Done the Hard Part

Deciding to write a letter is itself an act of love. It says: I thought about you. I wanted you to have something of me that lasts.

You don't need perfect words. You just need your own. Pick up a pen, or open a notebook, and begin with what is most true. The rest will follow.

If you'd like a place to record your wishes, memories, and personal messages all in one secure location, Final Wishes was built for exactly that.